I have never been able to describe myself in a way that feels authentic to me. I have always known I see this world in a different way and until I became aware of this, I have been frustrated and annoyed wondering why people would do the same things over and over and not see the patterns? And when I would share, especially something that required a shift in mindset or personal responsibility, they would get angry, uncomfortable, or avoid me. I was sharing from my heart with a genuine desire to help reduce suffering and empower transformation.
After the interaction and with subsequent interactions, I always felt guilty and ashamed when I spoke my truth and it triggered people. I would berate myself for raising discomfort in another even though I was sharing from my heart, sharing a higher perspective, with the intention of empowering individual transformation.
This has been bubbling up for me as I prepare to be a panelist in Ottawa next week and facilitate a workshop in the following week.
The anxiety was becoming debilitating and so I reached out to my mentor Sue Das. I needed to share my seemingly "scathing" truth and perspective of life and be open to her feedback. After I shared, Sue calmly and lovingly told me I was a disruptor with the intention of helping people shift and grow! I was first surprised, then relieved that it had a name, and today I am excited!! I AM A DISRUPTOR!
* I do share opinions and perspectives that challenge the status quo and I have done this within industry, markets, and social systems.
* I do introduce new ideas, products, and ways of doing things that can drastically change how existing systems function.
* And these ideas have led to new opportunities, efficiencies, and especially ways of thinking!
*And not everyone will agree with these ideas and it can trigger people. And that's ok.
I AM A DISRUPTOR and this is my Spirit mission and my purpose here on earth!
This awareness changes EVERYTHING for me!
I always thought that I was a trouble maker, argumentative, conflict seeking, and that I was THE problem and that I brought or created problems. Heck, I would even volunteer myself when there were mistakes made or something done wrong! It was easy to blame me and I was blamed.
As a child and teen, I was physically punished, rejected, and abandoned for being myself. As a result, today, Heather only comes out when she feels safe. Unless I push myself, in which case my nervous system goes into overdrive and in the aftermath, I am paralyzed, sometimes for days.
As an adult, I have continued to abandon and punish me. Blaming myself for not fitting in, for making people uncomfortable, for sharing opinions, projects, and perspectives that were "way out there."
I had no idea my different perspectives were a gift and that they were/are meant to be shared and that there is nothing wrong with me. This is my gift to the world. This is how I serve. The more in acceptance I can be with that, the more people I can help.
First though, I sob for my inner child who I punished, ignored, and rejected for not being something or someone else. Dear one, I am so sorry. So much makes sense now. I am so, so sorry.
I need this awareness in order to move forward. To step into the version I am meant to be. I have always seen myself on a stage but the latest version of me has such a low tolerance for an overwhelmed and dysregulated nervous system that the idea always seemed so far fetched. What could I do if I was aligned with God and trusted myself to share? Time will tell.
I wrote this new bio today that feels more authentic to me. I want everyone to know what to expect if they choose to work with me. No more hiding. No more shame. Just more authenticity, compassion, and love leading to empowerment and transformation.
"Heather Cabral is a member of the Algonquins of Pikwakanagan First Nation and founder of Inspired by Nature Art & Wellness. She offers Indigenous-led art and wellness workshops for groups, organizations, and First Nations. Her Ojibway Spirit name, "WAAZAKONE" or “Light,” reflects her mission: to bring more light to the planet by introducing new perspectives that challenge social norms and spark transformation."
This part is in progress....
If you are feeling unsettled and dissatisfied with your current perspective, I am here to offer my assistance. Whether you are an individual or part of a group, organization, or First Nations community seeking a fresh and insightful workshop or facilitator, I am ready to help. With a talent for envisioning possibilities, I am eager to support you with your events, projects, and overall vision.
If you are interested in collaborating with me, I provide services such as speaking engagements, hosting expressive art workshops, coaching/mentoring, consulting, and creating intuitive art pieces for various purposes. Feel free to contact me via email or phone.
My intention of this post has been 1) to help the reader understand me better and 2) help potential clients understand me better.
Do you have any gifts that you've continually denied because they seemed "wrong"? Share in the comments if you feel the heart call.
Thank you for reading.
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